Change

Change is something that is universally accepted as an essential part of life. The world has gone through several changes throughout its existence to form the world in which we live today. Change is more than the pennies and nickels found tucked between our couches and sprawled out over the floor of our cars. Some changes are distinct and obvious others are barely even noticeable. I personally feel as though the ladder is the most important type of change. America didn’t become the country it is today over night. You don’t begin building a house one day and wake up it the next. I like to think of change very similarly to the way that we grow. We go from very small babies to full grown adults in a process that is in no way noticeable to the naked eye. It is so stunning to the point that many even want to deny it although we all know it to be true. This is what tends to annoy me about the fact of change. People want to accept that they have changed when it is convenient to them but want to deny it when it paints them in a negative light. I don’t think that we should look at change as negative in any way because when someone changes for the worse they can take control of that situation by learning from it.

The subject of change weighs so heavily on my mind right now because I think that I’ve finally noticed how important it is. If you cannot see the way in which you have changed yourself then how can you ever grow or learn as an individual? Change doesn’t make you a different person. “Change” simply means that your actions and priorities may have become different from what they once were. Sometimes change may cause you to feel as if you have lost the person you once were but that isn’t always the case.  There are many influences in this world that simply cause us to get lost or bored with what truly matters to us. Sometimes life itself can be as destructive as a drug depending on who you associate yourself with or what you prefer to spend your time doing.

When I first arrived at Florida State University I knew I wanted to be a writer more than anything in the world. In high school I would constantly spend my time writing about a wide variety of things. It never felt like work to me and it never tired me. I enjoyed being creative and constructing narratives that people could relate to. However, once I finished the writing portion of my degree that excitement seemed to fade as worldly influences crept into my life. Once I had a filter that protected me from being too caught up. I have always been a smart person but intelligence doesn’t always protect you from influence. By the time I had graduated it was as if I just wanted to get out. I had seemingly lost my passion. When I arrived back in Orlando I was swept into living a life that I had always feared. I fell to dreaded routine of working, paying bills, and working some more with no means to save any money at all. Before too long I realized that I wasn’t even living my own life anymore. I was living the life of someone else. I wasn’t writing anymore nor was I paying any attention to sociological studies or theories as I once had. It was as if I had went to school for absolutely nothing. It was a… change. One that had taken me far too long to realize. However, as with all change, it was very necessary. I have had the first hand experience of the live I never want to live. If I had never gone through it I don’t think I would have ever truly appreciated how much I wanted to be scholar. A scholar that is not only a critically acclaimed writer but also a sociologist that has constructed breakthrough research concerning the lgbt issues that currently exist in the world. I had dreams and hopes that seemed to fizzle into the late nights of alcohol and the early mornings of answering phones within a call center building. I was on the fast track obtaining my Bachelor’s in only 3 years at the age of 21 and when I returned it all seemed to come to a halt. I knew my life was physically changing but I failed to notice the psychological and emotional changes that came along with it. Now I have to recondition myself to learn to love the things I once have and it is so awfully silly that I say that because simply writing this is making me feel so damn good already. I feel as if this is what I am supposed to be doing. Had I never noticed or accepted that I had changed then I never would have been able to discover this happiness once again.

All in all, change is going to happen. It is inevitable. Change is not always going to be bad nor is it always going to be good. The past two years of my life I slowly changed into a person that I never thought I would become. Even though I am in a place I don’t necessarily want to be now, I thank God for it because I know I will never let this happen to me again. Soon I will be back in Grad School and employed with a job that will allow me to save and rise within my career field. :)